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Thursday, February 3, 2011
My new life.
I'm getting the hang of this. Being a mom...with a new job, it's going great. I've decided, I don't necessarily like the age group (or kids) i work with, but the teacher, and the other aide, make it a little fun. I haven't wanted to admit it, because I just really miss everyone, from preschool, from PEEP... but it's not a terrible place. Lunch breaks could be longer. It's kinda hard to go to work 5 days a week, and then pump for 15-20 min, and have 10 min to eat, and whatnot. I liked being able to go and get me food from wherever.
Now, here's my drama of the week. I have this buddy. I've known since, I think Junior year in high school at LEAST, and I was chatting with him, and said, Oh i'll show you "this" we can go together. His response? That would be inappropriate. I'm like, what? He's like, Well, it's different now because you're married. I was so hurt, that I ended up just getting off and being so sad for the rest of the night. McCord and I talked about it, and he said, I wonder if he is just thinking of me (McCord) and making sure he's not trying to offend me. I didn't care. My thought was, it's not worth it to hang out with me because i'm not Available?! I couldn't believe it. So, I got on FB 2 days later, and so did he. He asked me, "Did I upset you?" And I proceeded to tell him all the things i've had time to think about why this hurt me so much. He told me, over and over again, he was sorry, and that he didn't mean to hurt me. His one thing that drove me crazy, was, he said, "What if people thought something?" My response? You care too much about what other people think. I told him it's not fair for him to care of what other people think about. ESPECIALLY, if you have no relationship with them. Then what's the point in caring what they think?
So, that's my story. Here's my question. Do you ever not do something because of what Other people may think? Who's it hurting? I may be open, and tell you that it hurts my feelings/pisses me off, but others might not. Be honest. That's the least you can do. I'm sure I do something like this too, but I haven't thought of it.
So, McCord never reads my blog, so i'm safe. BUT, I need ideas for his 21st birthday. I have always wanted to surprise him with a trip. But he's so flippen picky, I have no idea what i'd do. :( Any ideas? Doesn't even have to be a trip. I'd just like something fun, and memorable! He always does nice things for me and i always flop on his B-day. :( His Birthday is April 2nd btw.
Oh, another question. Has anyone ever like, had their baby, and then realized how much they're criticized? Oh my hell it drives me crazy! I'm actually, pulling away from people now, that criticize and i'm just not seeing some of my friends half as much. It's just...i hate it! Well, and I have this overwhelming feeling, that if i don't trust you, i hate that you want to hold my child. I'm not naming names. But, some people, keep holding my child, and i just...it's not even a Can i? it's a oh, come here...to Xander. So they're not asking permission, (which i love when you do) they're grabbing and holding, and i'm too nice to kick your ass. Ugh. I know i know, rude. I don't care. Sometimes, i don't care when i'm rude.
Oh, my wii, freaking said i was 20 lbs less, than before i got prego. That's right, that's a number to be proud of right?
Well then it said Xander was 20 lbs. :(
Broke my heart a little to know it wasn't accurate.
That's all for now. TTYL! Also, Annie, I hate you for not commenting. Thanks to Alisha, for ALWAYS commenting. Mwuauauhahahahah
Anyway, Xander, is doing great.Here's him in the bath. He totally has a ball. He loves it.
Sad! I can't upload the video. Let me or Alisha, figure this out!
Therefore, i have a little fun giving them to him. I like to watch him play. :)Now, here's my drama of the week. I have this buddy. I've known since, I think Junior year in high school at LEAST, and I was chatting with him, and said, Oh i'll show you "this" we can go together. His response? That would be inappropriate. I'm like, what? He's like, Well, it's different now because you're married. I was so hurt, that I ended up just getting off and being so sad for the rest of the night. McCord and I talked about it, and he said, I wonder if he is just thinking of me (McCord) and making sure he's not trying to offend me. I didn't care. My thought was, it's not worth it to hang out with me because i'm not Available?! I couldn't believe it. So, I got on FB 2 days later, and so did he. He asked me, "Did I upset you?" And I proceeded to tell him all the things i've had time to think about why this hurt me so much. He told me, over and over again, he was sorry, and that he didn't mean to hurt me. His one thing that drove me crazy, was, he said, "What if people thought something?" My response? You care too much about what other people think. I told him it's not fair for him to care of what other people think about. ESPECIALLY, if you have no relationship with them. Then what's the point in caring what they think?
So, that's my story. Here's my question. Do you ever not do something because of what Other people may think? Who's it hurting? I may be open, and tell you that it hurts my feelings/pisses me off, but others might not. Be honest. That's the least you can do. I'm sure I do something like this too, but I haven't thought of it.
So, McCord never reads my blog, so i'm safe. BUT, I need ideas for his 21st birthday. I have always wanted to surprise him with a trip. But he's so flippen picky, I have no idea what i'd do. :( Any ideas? Doesn't even have to be a trip. I'd just like something fun, and memorable! He always does nice things for me and i always flop on his B-day. :( His Birthday is April 2nd btw.
Oh, another question. Has anyone ever like, had their baby, and then realized how much they're criticized? Oh my hell it drives me crazy! I'm actually, pulling away from people now, that criticize and i'm just not seeing some of my friends half as much. It's just...i hate it! Well, and I have this overwhelming feeling, that if i don't trust you, i hate that you want to hold my child. I'm not naming names. But, some people, keep holding my child, and i just...it's not even a Can i? it's a oh, come here...to Xander. So they're not asking permission, (which i love when you do) they're grabbing and holding, and i'm too nice to kick your ass. Ugh. I know i know, rude. I don't care. Sometimes, i don't care when i'm rude.
Oh, my wii, freaking said i was 20 lbs less, than before i got prego. That's right, that's a number to be proud of right?
Well then it said Xander was 20 lbs. :(
Broke my heart a little to know it wasn't accurate.
That's all for now. TTYL! Also, Annie, I hate you for not commenting. Thanks to Alisha, for ALWAYS commenting. Mwuauauhahahahah
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Little things to say about Xander
Xanders doing so many new things lately, that it's just...a mixture between a sad and happy time. I really want him to stop growing so fast, because i really enjoy this baby stage, and i know that before i know it, he'll be ready to go to school...etc. So, it's exciting in a sense, to watch my baby grow, but sad that it's happening so fast.
One little thing Xander is starting to smile when crying. Let me clarify. He will cry, and i'll do something to make him happy again...like, play with his feet, and he'll smile, i can tell it makes him happy, but then, he'll cry. it's like, he doesn't want to be happy, but he's trying so hard to cry. LOL. it's the cutest thing ever.
One little thing is Xander makes the most perfect pout when he cries. Sometimes, it's you know, his normal cry, and other times, he has this little face.
Now...i just want to clarify. I didn't make him cry for this picture. I don't make my child cry intentionally. He actually wants to be walked around with. So, what happened, was the 1st picture, i was holding him and sat down in the recliner, and that's the pout. Then, the 2nd time, i put him down on the bed and went and did something... and took a picture when i went back in to get him since he had started to cry.
Either way, no matter what my baby is doing, he's the cutest baby in the world to me.
One little thing... Xander is so funny about the car. He HATES being put into the carseat. BUT...he doesn't mind once i pick up the car seat, and we're moving. It's funny, i sit in the back with him, in case he needs help, and so i've looked at his car seat all the time. it doesn't look like it's moving much, but a little vibration. BUT, if we stop moving, and he's awake, usually he doesn't like that. As long as he's moving, he's good. It's kinda funny.
One little thing. I've noticed, his head is growing. he's getting a ring around his head, and the top of his head is going bald. So...hopefully he grows his hair in soon. he's getting a bumpy head. Which, everyone said he had the perfect little head. So i hope his head doesn't get too lumpy.
One little thing...I still hate you. You...mean woman. I really hate that you're in the position you're in. Seriously hope, that for other people's sakes, you're not in it long.
One little thing.. Xander laughed in his sleep, for the first time ever. It was the cutest noise, in the whole wide world. Made me tear up. i can't stand how cute my boy is. BTW...just for record, it was on 1/17/11.
:)
One little thing Xander is starting to smile when crying. Let me clarify. He will cry, and i'll do something to make him happy again...like, play with his feet, and he'll smile, i can tell it makes him happy, but then, he'll cry. it's like, he doesn't want to be happy, but he's trying so hard to cry. LOL. it's the cutest thing ever.
One little thing is Xander makes the most perfect pout when he cries. Sometimes, it's you know, his normal cry, and other times, he has this little face.
Usually leads into this. 
Either way, no matter what my baby is doing, he's the cutest baby in the world to me.
One little thing... Xander is so funny about the car. He HATES being put into the carseat. BUT...he doesn't mind once i pick up the car seat, and we're moving. It's funny, i sit in the back with him, in case he needs help, and so i've looked at his car seat all the time. it doesn't look like it's moving much, but a little vibration. BUT, if we stop moving, and he's awake, usually he doesn't like that. As long as he's moving, he's good. It's kinda funny.
One little thing. I've noticed, his head is growing. he's getting a ring around his head, and the top of his head is going bald. So...hopefully he grows his hair in soon. he's getting a bumpy head. Which, everyone said he had the perfect little head. So i hope his head doesn't get too lumpy.
One little thing...I still hate you. You...mean woman. I really hate that you're in the position you're in. Seriously hope, that for other people's sakes, you're not in it long.
One little thing.. Xander laughed in his sleep, for the first time ever. It was the cutest noise, in the whole wide world. Made me tear up. i can't stand how cute my boy is. BTW...just for record, it was on 1/17/11.
:)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
ANNIE!
Annie has pretty much been one of my best friends, since...maybe the 2nd week we worked together. I just love her guts. I can't stand how funny she is, and how we are always sarcastic together and how she always gets my lame jokes. I love how clumsy, and spacey she is, totally makes who she is. She's the best person i know. I want her to know, i didn't forget about her. I actually, deleted her, on accident. If anything, you're number 1. I miss working with you, and i hope we do soon. I love you annie!
The Momens and Actions that define Where we go in life.
Here's an update. My life, has taken a dramatic turn. Everything was going so great, then, Xander came out into the world. Don't read that wrong. I love him so much, i'd do anything for him, and he isn't a regret whatsoever. It's just that after he was born, things seemed to go down. 1st, my job at crest, somehow, wasn't secure. I wasn't scheduled anymore. So, i lost a job. I'm still technically on the payroll, but, i have no shifts. What the hell is that. 2nd, When i came back to work, the teacher in the morning, decided, she'd make my life a living hell. Thanks. there are so many things i want to say, and it just..kills me, that she's in the position she's in. Well, that's my ranting. Here's me moving on.
I'm starting another job in the district, and it's going to be with Pam. I'll update when i find out, exactly what the job is. I have an idea..but you know. I'd like more details. :) Anyway, so we're going to see how that goes. If, it comes out to be, that i hate this job, i'll continue my search for another job. I have a couple leads on jobs, and i'll get to those, if i hate this job. However, if i like it, so be it.
So, I'd really like to keep track of a couple things. The people i've been able to trust and talk to during this whole ordeal, have really showed me that, I'm cared about. And thank goodness for that. I can't stand wondering if people care. And all along, i've cared about these people as well. BUT, i have a thing with emotions, i don't always show them. well, a few of you have had the opportunity to see, they've been showing quite often lately. Which is fine. I really should work on expressing more emotions. Well, expressing more than just anger, which, i think i'm doing a good job at. The last few months of my pregnancy up to now, i've done good.
Now, onto the people that have helped me so much in the last 2 or so months.
Pamela Colson. You're always there, with honest advice. thanks so much!
Alisha Peters. You're such a great woman, and I love talking to you!
Beth Hardman. Best..Landlord...EVER! Seriously. Love being able to get close to you and your family.
Kris Handrahan. We've known each other for years, and have just barely started to talk and get to know each other. I love it. I think you're one of the sweetest women ever.
Raquel. Come to think of it. I don't think i know your last name. But, you're such a nice woman, and so great to talk to. I loved working with you.
Brenda hanks. You're the best. I hope you and I can get to know each other better,because boy do i enjoy your company!
Mccord. Oh man. he deals with the brute of it. he comes home, and is nothing but the best husband. He always listens to me, and is by my side. I'm so grateful for him.
If i haven't mentioned you, i'm probably just spacing it. I'm grateful for everyone who listens to me babble :)
Now...on to eat some banana bread.
I'm starting another job in the district, and it's going to be with Pam. I'll update when i find out, exactly what the job is. I have an idea..but you know. I'd like more details. :) Anyway, so we're going to see how that goes. If, it comes out to be, that i hate this job, i'll continue my search for another job. I have a couple leads on jobs, and i'll get to those, if i hate this job. However, if i like it, so be it.
So, I'd really like to keep track of a couple things. The people i've been able to trust and talk to during this whole ordeal, have really showed me that, I'm cared about. And thank goodness for that. I can't stand wondering if people care. And all along, i've cared about these people as well. BUT, i have a thing with emotions, i don't always show them. well, a few of you have had the opportunity to see, they've been showing quite often lately. Which is fine. I really should work on expressing more emotions. Well, expressing more than just anger, which, i think i'm doing a good job at. The last few months of my pregnancy up to now, i've done good.
Now, onto the people that have helped me so much in the last 2 or so months.
Pamela Colson. You're always there, with honest advice. thanks so much!
Alisha Peters. You're such a great woman, and I love talking to you!
Beth Hardman. Best..Landlord...EVER! Seriously. Love being able to get close to you and your family.
Kris Handrahan. We've known each other for years, and have just barely started to talk and get to know each other. I love it. I think you're one of the sweetest women ever.
Raquel. Come to think of it. I don't think i know your last name. But, you're such a nice woman, and so great to talk to. I loved working with you.
Brenda hanks. You're the best. I hope you and I can get to know each other better,because boy do i enjoy your company!
Mccord. Oh man. he deals with the brute of it. he comes home, and is nothing but the best husband. He always listens to me, and is by my side. I'm so grateful for him.
If i haven't mentioned you, i'm probably just spacing it. I'm grateful for everyone who listens to me babble :)
Now...on to eat some banana bread.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Little quick bit
Just realized i gotta post some stuff. I'm sure people get sick of reading how many FB status's i can post in a day, so, i'll post a few here, and hopefully get it outta my system.
#1-I just realized, about...an hour ago. I don't eat very much anymore. I totally don't get as hungry as i did when i was pregnant, and now i literally FORGET to eat. I need to eat if i'm breastfeeding, but sometimes, i just totally space it! Sad huh.
#2- I don't pee half as much as i used to! We're using less toilet paper as a result, and i'm super excited to be saving that money!
#3-We went grocery shopping today..spent 88 dollars. That's right....that's IT! Hopefully the hole me not being as hungry was a contributer..so i'm glad! We saved money not having a pregnant shopper!
#4-I've been in baking mood lately. I have seriously made Peppermint bark maybe 3 times now? And, some cakes, 1 of which i completely ruined when putting the icing on top. But..it's quite fun! Any easy recipes people can throw to me? :)
#5-Xander....will not be put down very often. He loves to be walked around with. Which, can get sooo tiring. He for the past couple weeks, will choose a few days, to cry when he's tired, and so, the only thing that calms him, and us, is walking around in circles in our apt. And then, if he falls asleep, and we don't wait long enough to put him on his back...he wakes right the heck up. Sometimes, we have to let him fall asleep on his belly, and then put him on his back. Which, is the right way he's supposed to sleep, but again, he wakes up and SCREAMS til he's all shades of red, til he's back on his belly. Which brings me to number6.
#6- He has a bassinet. Does he like to sleep in it? NO. He likes to sleep with mom and dad. And i can't stand him crying. makes me feel all sorts of sadness. So..i let him sleep with us. Which, sometimes, i love it, other times, i just wish he'd sleep by himself. Makes me sleep lighter, to avoid crushing him, or letting him fall off the bed, which, i'm terrified will happen. I'm actually a pretty good sleeper. Will wake up to movement or sounds he makes, so i'm pretty sure it won't happen..but that thought is still in my head.
All done for now. If i think of more...i'll post another one.
#1-I just realized, about...an hour ago. I don't eat very much anymore. I totally don't get as hungry as i did when i was pregnant, and now i literally FORGET to eat. I need to eat if i'm breastfeeding, but sometimes, i just totally space it! Sad huh.
#2- I don't pee half as much as i used to! We're using less toilet paper as a result, and i'm super excited to be saving that money!
#3-We went grocery shopping today..spent 88 dollars. That's right....that's IT! Hopefully the hole me not being as hungry was a contributer..so i'm glad! We saved money not having a pregnant shopper!
#4-I've been in baking mood lately. I have seriously made Peppermint bark maybe 3 times now? And, some cakes, 1 of which i completely ruined when putting the icing on top. But..it's quite fun! Any easy recipes people can throw to me? :)
#5-Xander....will not be put down very often. He loves to be walked around with. Which, can get sooo tiring. He for the past couple weeks, will choose a few days, to cry when he's tired, and so, the only thing that calms him, and us, is walking around in circles in our apt. And then, if he falls asleep, and we don't wait long enough to put him on his back...he wakes right the heck up. Sometimes, we have to let him fall asleep on his belly, and then put him on his back. Which, is the right way he's supposed to sleep, but again, he wakes up and SCREAMS til he's all shades of red, til he's back on his belly. Which brings me to number6.
#6- He has a bassinet. Does he like to sleep in it? NO. He likes to sleep with mom and dad. And i can't stand him crying. makes me feel all sorts of sadness. So..i let him sleep with us. Which, sometimes, i love it, other times, i just wish he'd sleep by himself. Makes me sleep lighter, to avoid crushing him, or letting him fall off the bed, which, i'm terrified will happen. I'm actually a pretty good sleeper. Will wake up to movement or sounds he makes, so i'm pretty sure it won't happen..but that thought is still in my head.
All done for now. If i think of more...i'll post another one.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Some pictures!
Scared to upload too many since my buddy Alisha said there's a limit on space on blog..but I've gotta putsome of my fave pics up.
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