That last post was a little dark. So...let me do a happy post to even it out a bit. :))
Xander, is 8 months old now. In the past 8 months, my life has...brightened. :) I can't stand how much i love Xander. He, and of course, i'm Biased to my own son, is the cutest baby i've ever seen. Just today, he fit into a shirt that was 0-3 mo. And, i say that, because, I am so...happy. that he's small. Is that weird? before i had him, i always thought, I want a chunky baby. I totally reverse my thoughts on that. I love being able to dress him, in the same clothes, as 3 months ago. it makes for using baby clothes more so they're worth their money. :)))
Now, my birthday, was 9 days ago. Guess what i did.
We went SHOPPING! GUess what i bought! Just basically stuff for my boy! Don't worry, i bought stuff all over 9 mo. (Not that he'll fit into that for a while.) So, from 9-18 mo clothes for my boy. That was soooooo fun. I love shopping for Xander. I know what i like, i buy the same tank tops from Downeast to put under the random "Oh that's cute" shirt i find at whereever. Like walmart. Yep, i shop at walmart for clothes sometimes. You know why? It's like, 4 dollars for a cute shirt! So, i totally don't mind! (Please let it be known, i do shop elsewhere.)
Anyway, My 3rd anniversary is coming up. Does anyone know of any ideas for me to do a celebration/date type thing? I'm like, stumped. I know i want to do big things, like, Italy, Australia, etc, on major anniversary's, but not like, 3. Anyway, yeah, gimme ideas! I'm so excited!
Monday, June 27, 2011
What is your worst feeling?
I ask that because, I remember, mine a lot. My worst feeling. The feeling of being violated occurs pretty often in my dreams. I wake up a lot, and a lot of the time, i dream, something about Foster care. To me, that's a violation. Of privacy, of anything really. She (By she i mean, the foster mom that really is the only one i hate with a passion.)knew how i slept, knew how i ate, knew everything. I had no privacy. Could you imagine? All your deepest secrets, out for the "Family" exposure.
But...sometimes, that wasn't the worst feeling.
The worst, sometimes, for me, would be, me, trying to get a fix, of something, to help me... feel better, even for a moment, and that person, trying to hook me up with that fix, asking me to do a special something for them.
That's the worst. Knowing you may not get temporary happiness without having to expose yourself, even more. And what's even better? Asking an abused teenager, Therefore, much more self conscious than some teens, (Which yes, i realize all teens are self conscious.) to be much more open for a minute, just for them.
I'll add more later. Physical therapy is a-callin'.
But...sometimes, that wasn't the worst feeling.
The worst, sometimes, for me, would be, me, trying to get a fix, of something, to help me... feel better, even for a moment, and that person, trying to hook me up with that fix, asking me to do a special something for them.
That's the worst. Knowing you may not get temporary happiness without having to expose yourself, even more. And what's even better? Asking an abused teenager, Therefore, much more self conscious than some teens, (Which yes, i realize all teens are self conscious.) to be much more open for a minute, just for them.
I'll add more later. Physical therapy is a-callin'.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
The little things that make us happy.
Here's the blog post, i've been meaning to do in a while. it's been over a month since my last post, and i have so much to write. this may have to be 2 different posts.
Xander, is the smartest, little stinker. I bet, if i didn't spoil him so much, he'd learn even faster. But i can't help it.
He's learned to crawl, and he's pulling himself up to a stand on some things. and he's a gorilla sometimes. walks on his tipi toes and hands. it's adorable. He chases missy around the whole house. she hates him. well, maybe not hate. But she hasn't figured him out.
Xander, gets so excited, when he sees himself in the mirror. He always, hits the mirror and gets all happy. it's the best. I'll record it sometime.
He only sleeps...20-45 min at a time. Which, sometimes i'd love a little more time to get something done. You know? But..i'm grateful, in a way. Sometimes, when he's sleeping, i miss him..and want him back awake. So...
then... i think, there are some kids, that give their mom, an hour nap a day, and are running amok the rest of the day. So..thank goodness xander takes like, 4 naps a day. phew!
Today, he's a little clingy, i just put him down, and he'll start screaming. and then, i pick him up, and he's so snugly, and, he just quiets after hugging me so tight. It's kinda sweet.
He's discovered, mom will share food with him sometimes. So what happens is, if i get a drink, (mostly bottles) he watches me drink it, and makes as close as the noises and movements i make, to try and get some. It's adorable. I need to record that too. Don't you wish, someone was always on us with a video camera? I do. To capture the adorable things i know i'm going to want to remember. I miss xander when he was smaller. :(( Sometimes, i want to go back, and see how it would have been had i tried certain things with him? Like, i'm trying to get him to sign "more" and i'm just not consistent. I'm horrible at it :(
Anyway, i'm loving this whole...not having to work thing. It's so wonderful. I always thought i'd be bored...(which i am) but not nearly as bored as like, when i was 10 years old and had no tv or something electronic to keep me company. I love being bored with just xander. He's always doing something new, or keeping me company. He's my cute guy. Which, btw..he answers, to a few things... like, "Hello...or LIttle stinker, or..bubba, or little bubs or my little love" It's funny. People are like, you call him that? He knows that that's him? Yeah...he knows he's my little love. :) I have this one friend, Donovan, who i honestly, underestimated with his power to be any sort of paternal...but he's so cute with xander. And xander loves him. It's great. I just wish the people i really should be close to, would try and be closer with xander and me. Like my dad. I know he means well. But he still hasn't met xander. and, that does kinda put a damper on things. I wish he would. It's lame. Well, xander officially has 3 teeth. His 4th, the top left tooth is Trying to break through,but not quite there yet, and then the little stink, still doesn't have much hair. But i mohawked it yesterday anyway. ;) Stay tuned for a post i've been trying to put together...talk to ya soon!
Xander, is the smartest, little stinker. I bet, if i didn't spoil him so much, he'd learn even faster. But i can't help it.
He's learned to crawl, and he's pulling himself up to a stand on some things. and he's a gorilla sometimes. walks on his tipi toes and hands. it's adorable. He chases missy around the whole house. she hates him. well, maybe not hate. But she hasn't figured him out.
Xander, gets so excited, when he sees himself in the mirror. He always, hits the mirror and gets all happy. it's the best. I'll record it sometime.
He only sleeps...20-45 min at a time. Which, sometimes i'd love a little more time to get something done. You know? But..i'm grateful, in a way. Sometimes, when he's sleeping, i miss him..and want him back awake. So...
then... i think, there are some kids, that give their mom, an hour nap a day, and are running amok the rest of the day. So..thank goodness xander takes like, 4 naps a day. phew!
Today, he's a little clingy, i just put him down, and he'll start screaming. and then, i pick him up, and he's so snugly, and, he just quiets after hugging me so tight. It's kinda sweet.
He's discovered, mom will share food with him sometimes. So what happens is, if i get a drink, (mostly bottles) he watches me drink it, and makes as close as the noises and movements i make, to try and get some. It's adorable. I need to record that too. Don't you wish, someone was always on us with a video camera? I do. To capture the adorable things i know i'm going to want to remember. I miss xander when he was smaller. :(( Sometimes, i want to go back, and see how it would have been had i tried certain things with him? Like, i'm trying to get him to sign "more" and i'm just not consistent. I'm horrible at it :(
Anyway, i'm loving this whole...not having to work thing. It's so wonderful. I always thought i'd be bored...(which i am) but not nearly as bored as like, when i was 10 years old and had no tv or something electronic to keep me company. I love being bored with just xander. He's always doing something new, or keeping me company. He's my cute guy. Which, btw..he answers, to a few things... like, "Hello...or LIttle stinker, or..bubba, or little bubs or my little love" It's funny. People are like, you call him that? He knows that that's him? Yeah...he knows he's my little love. :) I have this one friend, Donovan, who i honestly, underestimated with his power to be any sort of paternal...but he's so cute with xander. And xander loves him. It's great. I just wish the people i really should be close to, would try and be closer with xander and me. Like my dad. I know he means well. But he still hasn't met xander. and, that does kinda put a damper on things. I wish he would. It's lame. Well, xander officially has 3 teeth. His 4th, the top left tooth is Trying to break through,but not quite there yet, and then the little stink, still doesn't have much hair. But i mohawked it yesterday anyway. ;) Stay tuned for a post i've been trying to put together...talk to ya soon!
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