Life is blah.

What exactly is the perfect marriage? For me? It's the one that doesn't exist. That sounds terrible, but I believe, every marriage has it's flaws, and fuck ups. Sometimes, you ignore those issues.. Sometimes, they HAVE to be brought to certain level of out in the open, because you just can't take it anymore.. and sometimes, you just deal with it. How does one just, deal with certain things, when YOU, partaker in said marriage, HAS NO idea what to do? This is so hard. UGH. I never KNEW in a million years, marriage, would be so tough.

So, No one reads my blog anyway right? I can say ANYTHING.... Right? Ok. Fine.

Here goes.
McCord and I just.. never fight. So, when we do, it's huge. But here's the kicker, it's always my fault. Now, normally, after something like that being said, I'd put LOL but, I don't want to. It's not funny. What's wrong with me that every time we DO fight, it's because I'm bored, or I need attention, or whatever? I'm starting to feel like, I'm too messed up to even be in a relationship right now. Relationships are for those... that are healthy right? Or maybe, Slightly screwed... but me? Ugh.

Right now? Our fight stems from the attention I get from other guys. I don't ignore it. I Like it. Weird right? Well, I think the thing is, is, I don't get enough from McCord, OR maybe I just require WAyyY too much for that kid to handle... Anyway, So I take any and all attention I get from close guy friends. Which, isn't always appropriate or good. For me, I always thought it was ok, because it didn't mean anything. It just meant, I was getting the attention I needed. Now, I wonder, if that's why I got married Soooo young. 19, is a bit stupid don't you think? Jeez.

 But, What's funny is, I LOVE the idea of being married. I LOVE it. I love, the idea of the perfect family... with the perfect place to live, etc. BUT... Is it worth it for both parties, if that person, seeks what they want/need elsewhere?

Yes, Yes, some of you will read this and think I'm a terrible person, and you know what? That's ok. Leave now while I have other things on my mind and don't notice. That's totally fine. But don't leave when I call your name like, a month later and say I need you.

For those of you that stick around... Thank you.

One of my friends told me, It's ok to be content in a marriage... that happiness isn't necessairly what's needed. Let's hope that's true. Because, I think, McCord Is the perfect match for me. Let's just hope HE Wants to stick this one out with me.