Ups and downs

Oh my gosh. Sometimes, i sit there and think, Remember when i used to sleep? And, now, i'm like, running on hour naps here and there. Bummer. How am i supposed to go back to work and function? :) Anyway, it's all for a good cause. It's a good thing he's mine. And, he's cute. I just love kissing him and holding him.

He's got a yeast infection, and being ignorant, i'm only doing what the doctor tells me, and nothing more, but i tried to google it, and for once, I'm not getting much information on how to help him heal. I read that it could be from breastfeeding. but does that mean it's from breastmilk? or from my breasts? Cuz, i can pump and feed it to him if that's going to help his poor little bum. I feel bad that sometimes his bum is so bad it bleeds! it gets better, then gets worse again. So, finally he's on something oral, and i'm hoping that and a new cream they've given me will help him. but then, if it is from breastfeeding, then how is it transferred? Or, like, how do i have it and not know it? So lost on this. Well, hoping he's healing.

So, just had my final baby shower. thank goodness. I hate being..on display. thank goodness this one was after he was here, so he was kinda the one that was on display. But everyone thinks he's soo cute and has a good shaped head. That's right. Oddest compliment either? I THINK SO! but, technically, totally get it now. I saw a baby with a really big head, and yeah. So, thank goodness his is..small. :) And round. HAHA. oh he's gonna be embarrassed by me when he's older. Right now, i'm like, #1. Just gotta pull out a boob.

He's finally starting to fit 0-3 clothes. Won't fit into pants that size for a while, but he's fitting into into Pj's and onsies. I'm getting excited. lol i have much more clothes in 0-3 than newborn. I was told not to buy newborn stuff but he'll still fit into those onsies for his first month. AT LEAST! So, he's growing! :)

The pictures I took. :)

He's here!

Oh the joy of being a new mom. He already melts my heart, and everything! Here's the story!

Wednesday, I get sent in to L&D for an NST. He seems fine, and therefore, i'm sent home, but with a follow up at my doctor, 2 days later.
Friday, the doctor actually said, blood pressure looks a lot better. And, then a follow up on Monday. I get there Monday, and they do my blood pressure, and the nurse told me, it's high, and i'll send the doc in to talk to you about it. He comes in, and says, why dont we do another NST, and this time monitor your blood pressure as well. So, he tried to send me to Utah Valley, and I told him I'd prefer Timpanogos. He sent me straight there and almost as soon as i'm showed to a room, the nurse comes in and tells me, she was on the phone with doc, and he is pretty sure, that with blood pressure that high, that i'd just be admitted and induced. Well, to me, i was like, why didn't he tell me that in the office? But no worries. I was perfectly fine. Excited really. Monday as opposed to Wednesday like we had originally thought? Can't wait!
         Well, omg, We started the Cytotec, and those exams, and insertions, FYI, are completely painful. Idk, if i'm sensitive or not, but 1 of them put me to tears. Cytotec is instered every (if I remember right) 3 or 4 hrs. Then, after about 4 of them, that's when they start the Pitocin. The Cytotec ripens the cervix. Pitocin induces actual labor by creating contractions etc. Well, with all those doses spread so far apart, Monday was spent with only the Cytotec. Tuesday, at 5:30 AM, we started Pitocin. Now, keep in mind, i'm a first time mom. So my cervix, was completely unfavorable. Making it so much longer. So, If i remember right, (drugged) around, 7:30 pm, (back on Monday) they were convinced I needed pain meds. I started getting doses of something, and everytime I got them, i threw up. It was such a...lame compromise. Throw up for a little bit, but then have no pain, or not throw up, and be in pain the whole time. Well, I waited as long as I could for each dose, but then, decided it was always worth throwing up, to be out of as much pain as possible. Well, so after a few hours on the Pitocin, on Tuesday, they were convinced, dilated at 1.5, that i needed an epidural. It would help me with me getting my exams, to see how dilated I was, and i wouldn't be so miserable. (If that's the logic, why did they wait so long!) Anyway, so I got the epidural, which, btw, I had really wanted to do it as natural as possible, but by then, the pain was excruciating enough, that I just couldn't handle it. I love that i got the epi BTW..and within..i believe, 20 minutes, i was back to my old self. Sure, i couldn't move my legs by myself, or do much at all, but i was...Happy! :) And, i believe that took a lot of stress off of nurses, and off of McCord. Who, FYI, was there the Entire time, and so supportive and wonderful. Anyway, after i'd gotten the Epidural, I kept getting the cytotec, and finally pitocin was started. Now, i believe after i was finally dialated to a 5 i finally got my water broken by the doctor, and then after that, i was dialated one more, each hour. So, by the time i was a 9, i was so tired, and ready. Bored too. i was on FB like the whole time. So, once i was a 10, the nurse, whose name was Earlene, came in and said, i needed to start pushing, and i pushed for maybe half hour. Then another nurse comes in and says Doc is delievering over at Utah Valley, and needs me to wait. Well, Earlene tells her, well i'm worried about the heart rate. I'm like, uh..thanks for telling me? What the heck. I could hear the heart beat the whole time, but i didn't think that it was dropping or anything. But apparantly that's what was going on. So she turned me on my side, and left me alone, to go talk to the doctor. Turns out, there was a pretty good snow that night so even when he did leave Utah Valley to come deliver me, it was going to take him 3 times as long because of the bad snow. Anway, he finally gets there at like 3:45 and i Start pushing at 3:55 and he's out at 4:02. The whole time, Mccord, is extremely excited and he's all his head is showing, his head is almost out, and you're doing so good and oh my gosh he's out. It was the most exciting feeling ever. After i was done and he comes out, i was just so happy! The nurse was telling us his stats, they were pretty excited that he was 7lbs even, and he was getting cleaned up, and the nurse asks if McCord wants to pass baby to me so i can hold him, i make mccord take a picture, and then nurse asks if he wants to go with him to the nursery and he's like, yeah. Now, i'm a pretty anti-crying person, but i watered up when he was born, and so did mccord. That alone was like the happiest moments of our lives. I am so excited to be a mom and Mccord is excited and happy he's a dad. For the first like, week, everytime Xander moved, both of us would aww all over him. Yes, we think he's the cutest thing ever and we can't get over it.

A special thanks to Dr. Drewes and Nurse Earlene who were the ones there for me when i was giving birth. That was the most fun part of it all. Pushing, and then seeing him, and holding him. Thank you God for allowing me this special priviledge and everything. I still can't get over how amazing my son is. I would do anything for him. I can feel it. I know mccord would too.

Xander is Almost here!

I've had quite a few people tell me, oh wow, "Oh you're ready to pop!" or "You're carrying low!" or, "You're baby is ready to come because he's dropped." And, i gotta say, it's making me anxious. I mean, ignore the fact that i've had this baby in me for 37 weeks now, but when people say things like that, it makes me want to go into labor faster, and i'm just beyond ready! Am i selfish for saying I hope Xander doesn't wait for 3 weeks to get here? I'm seriously like telling people, you know, if he is over just 1 day i'm going to cry. Because, I believe i will. I don't want him late. I want him early. HEALTHY...but early. :) i'm just so impatient. Also, AHH! Guess what! i'm moving this week. So my mom says, oh this is nesting. i'm like, no..this is moving. But at the same time i'm like, uh, is it? But I'm moving, to Beth's little APT connected to her house in North East Orem. :) I'm STOKED! It's going to be so great. We will also have our own washer and dryer. (No we haven't gotten as far as to go and get one yet...but...we're getting there) And i'm So excited about that! I am glad. (Pathetic much?) Well, so McCord and I have this plan, of okay, this is what we are doing for the next year, and if everything works out, We may try and buy our own house in a year. And that's something  I really want. Sure it makes me nervous...For the past..oh 7 years, i've been moving like a turtle who can't find a good shell, but so I've gotten used to it, and I've gotta say, i love moving! it's so...refreshing, it's a new start, it's a great feeling once you're all moved in, etc. And! Beth, being the most awesome lady, is basically letting us feel like, this is our place. She's letting us PAINT! HOLY Crap! I can't wait. I'll get to do all that! I mean, every where i can remember living, we haven't been allowed to personalize it much at all. No paint, no wallpaper, no nails in the wall to hold or hang things you like..etc. It's insane. I maybe wish when i was little that my mom would have tried to move us into a house, and then I could have painted my room! That would have been sweet. So i feel like, well if i get to paint Xanders room, then I just feel like, he's going to be happier looking at more than white walls. I've gotten so many friends, and I've decided, I'm better at watching my mouth and stuff now...so, I'm excited I've got soo many people to help support me through my pregnancy, but Pam, said, once you give birth, it'll be all over, and I'm like, so..no one will care about me? :( Sad! I know that's not the case, just FYI, I was just like, initially feeling that way when i thought about what she said. Okay, i'm bored with typing. TTYL!

September 17th. (Original title I know.)

KSL report. A mom fell asleep begging on the side of the highway. The baby crawls into traffic, and baby is returned to mom after police interviewed her. They should have realized this baby isn't okay with mom. Hopefully this baby is okay being with mom. I hope this was like the wake up call. that baby would be in foster care had it been in the US.
http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=235&sid=12466852
 Ahh...Foster care. You know, foster care sucks when you have a sad experience? Over all, I know it was good for me, but i hated that i didn't get a family out of any of the families i stayed with. The one i really stayed in touch with, is divorcing right now, and so mom, is by herself and i'm like, oh well there's another family broken because of bad decisions.

Anyway. The 2nd week of preschool went okay. I had a birthing class, a breastfeeding class, and a Doctor appt this week. It feels good to say, i'm almost done. :) the birthing class is stuff i've already researched or learned somehow, so i didn't learn much the 1st class. Hopefully i learn more this next time around. Doc said my back contractions need to stop and if i can't not go to work, Resting after work is mandatory to slow them down to help avoid Premature labor. I think after 37 weeks, i won't be so scared, but right now, i need him to be healthy and IN ME for about 3 and a half more weeks! And you know what, i'm getting sooooo paranoid something's going to go wrong. Annie, I know what you're going to say, you're gonna be fine. But, ANNIE, it's freaking pushing a pot roast thru a nostrol! YOU TRY IT! (HAHA...Get the reference?) Gotta love friends. :)
PS..in my birthing class, i saw the placenta being delivered. Yum. :( Why does anyone need to see that or know it's even there. I say, gross! And i'm like, eating as i watch this video. McCord looked over to me and saw me making the puffy fish face with food in my mouth. HAHA.

Have I ever explained here, how Awesome my husband is? He went to everything with me this week. As i looked around the room in both the Classes, or even when i'm in the docs office waiting to be called, i see so many women alone. And, it's like, for him to be there with me all the time. I LOVE IT! He's so great. I just wish I could spend more time with him at home. I love being at home with him. it's better. More relaxing. Plus i can ROPE him into cleaning with me. For the 1st week at me being at preschool he was cleaning like the whole week. Ahh.... so nice. The 2nd week, i think he's done. LOL. One of our friends, Kilee, she asked him if I was nesting yet, and he told her he was the one doing all the cleaning that week, and she's like, Awww..You're nesting for her. So one day, i came home and the house was messy, and i'm like, McCord, I miss your nesting :)
SO, i need to finish packing my bag, and i need to figure out what stuff to pack for him. I'm SOoo..excited when i do something that has to do with Xander, that i think that's when i'm the happiest. He may not be here yet, but he's like, the thing that keeps me happy and going! Not that McCord isn't doing the same thing. But that's a different kind of love and excitement.

McCord, i keep finding like little things that show his excitement. Like his FB page. He doesn't get on much. He doesn't find it as entertaining as I do. BUT, he's changed his about me Section on there, and here's what it says. "Well, I'm 20, living in Orem with my wife Gabi. We are happily married and will soon be coming up on our 2nd year anniversary and we will soon have a little boy in our lives due October 31. That's right, Halloween."
That's really cute. He never changes anything on that page. LOL. If anything, he'll go on, and change his display picture every once in a while. But that's it. And, on his laptop, it's an ultrasound picture. :)
OH my gosh! I totally forgot, so a lot of my friends came to the baby shower okay? And, there were some that didn't come (Yes i'm holding a grudge to some of you! HAHA.) And, one family that came, was the family that adopted my Neice. She's getting so cute. I thought at first, not the prettiest face, but she's totally getting so adorable. I watch her grow in the pictures and she's so my brothers daughter. And i've gotta say. She's half Korean okay? So, the mom that adopted her, is Korean. And the dad, i think he kinda looks like Nick a lot, so seriously, they look like Kamea is hers. It's great. she's got such nice parents. I talk to the mom every so often, and she's so stinkin' cute and nice. Anyway, so I got to hold Kamea for a while. Who BTW will soon be 1. HOLY COW! Her B-day is in November. I think it's amazing how time flies!

Well, I think that's enough rambling for today. :) I'm getting more frequent at this blogging deal.

PS..I believe all my friends that read this are on my FB except for one or so. BUT, We got a maternity photo shoot done by a cute friend. Katie, and she did really well on our pictures! Here's an example!

 

9/11...

While I do respect the idea of a moment of silence for those involved in anyway, of the tragedy, of 9/11. I do think, it's over...shall we say, dramatized. Not saying that to be un-american in ANY way! Promise! I do believe if you've lost someone in the tragedy, don't forget about them, don't realize that they're gone without giving them proper respect, but i'm totally done basking in the sadness that has turned this country into what it is now. I believe, that we should be done and moving on. (Grieving time, is what 6 months? As someone else told me) No, i'm being a little harsh, so i'll move on.


Today, is my baby shower. Not the work one, Not the husbands moms. But my friends. Which, I'm just a little baffled by. I do kinda wish i could have combined to get them all over with at once. BUT...I'm still grateful that i have so many friends, wanting to help me out and throw these for me. I'm SOOO Grateful.

My friend Kilee, the one doing my shower today, She's being so great and helpful.
My Bestest friend, Pam Colson, she's so wonderful. I think she can tell when i'm just kinda having a hard time, and overwhelmed. You know what her cure is? Buying me shirts and stuff. She's so sweet that way. Here are 2 new shirts she bought me for these last few weeks of this pregnancy! (I may keep them and wear them after anyways. HAHA)

And, Just for old times sake, i found a SKINNY PICTURE! From BEFORE i was married tho!

Okay...i think i'm going to throw up looking at how much of a difference this is. Oh my god. I'm going to throw up. Can anyone PLEASE get me SKINNY again!?

Complaining...about Complaining! GO figure.

Last night, i almost cried, yes, cried, (blaming on the hormones) because my MIL said i complain a lot about my pregnancy. Usually i retaliate with anger, or passive aggressiveness, and this time, it's like, really? Do i? Am i that annoying? I literally feel like i hate myself for complaining so much. My husband tried to calm me down and said i don't actually complain so much, i just talk about it a lot. I have nooo idea which is worse. Constantly talking about how excited and pregnant i am so i am that annoying, or...complaining so much about how pregnant i am so i'm that annoying.

Oh my god i'm so sick of these hormones that i just want him OUT and i just want my normal angry self back! The brain would be nice too, but i guess that never comes back. (According to all those moms that have said no.)

Okay. Since, this is a complaint, really, i'm going to try really hard not to complain or talk about my pregnancy so much to not offend or annoy anyone else. I know how getting annoyed is, and i don't want to annoy friends. That's just...lame.

The Ex-LDS blog. Or...Confessions of a non LDS Member!

I do warn. I don't reccomend reading this if you're very..close minded about the church. It may offend you. I did want to post this, because, this is a very..Interesting, If you will, veiw or writing, about a man, who only Regrets his mission.

He doesn't exactly say why, he feels this way, or give as many details as I would like, but here goes.

http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon085.htm

That's the website. I do find it very intriguing to know that there is one person out there, (and may be plenty more) that regrets an LDS Mission he did as a young boy. I'd always wondered if anyone would talk about it, if they didn't agree with everything they did on their mission.

One thing i wonder is, why, the Utahn, mormons, are just SOOO different, from any other state. They're very conservative, and whatnot.  And don't take me wrong, I actually love all of my friends, and most of them are LDS and from Utah. It's just i've noticed a HUGE difference in attitude, about the church. One thing I can tell is that a lot of it is just a culture difference. A lot of this is because Utah mormons, are actually those that are born and raised here. So, it's not their fault that they're very..ignorant. A lot of them don't realize, that the amount of Politeness and just plain (i don't want to know about your life) ways, hurt people from out of state, or that have learned a different lifestyle, so they continue to just be friends with their kind. And i say this all out of the kindness of my heart. I am not trying to be unkind to anyone so i'm hoping no one reads this and takes it out of context.