Seriously?

Okay, so Xander is 2 months old now! I can't believe how fast it's gone. I'm worried he'll grow up, and i'll be sad it's gone by so fast. I want him to stay this little forever! But, since that's not realistic, i guess i'll spend as much time with him as possible. He's growing so much, he's 9 lbs and 15.5 oz now, and he's getting some rolls on his legs! His hands are getting chubby too. I think it's adorable. He is starting to just cry when he's tired. Beth told me to allow natural light in the apt when it's day time, to help get him on a schedule, so we try that as much as possible, but sometimes i just forget or we're so busy that i just don't do it. He's also into this thing where, he wants to be held, all the time. And sometimes, that's not enough. He wants to be walked around with, and if he's tired, he'll scream until we're walking around with him, until he's fallen asleep. That's probably the hardest part. Not wanting him to cry. So we try everything possible, to get him to stop, but i've come to terms with, he may just have to cry. So, a couple times, i've had to just lay him on the bed, wrap him so he's warm, and leave him alone. He isn't a fan of that..but he'll cry himself to sleep and for me, that's so...agonizing. But i'd rather do that then get super frustrated and do something i'll regret, whatever that may be. Another thing that drives me crazy, is he will not sleep on his back, about..75% of the time. And i can't tell you how many times i've been stressed, that that's the way for him to sleep. So..if i want him to sleep for more than half an hour, i have to either be holding him, so he's on his belly, but on my chest, or...put him on his side. I don't know how to fix that. :(
In a separate note. I'm looking for a new job. I've been searching online, and looking for hiring signs. Not....like, extreme, seeing as how i do have a job, but to the point to where i'm at least filling out an application every 3 days or so. That can be annoying, but i'm seriously considering a new job and if it pays more, make it permanent. If not...then just until the next school year depending on circumstances. I'm having a super hard time at the preschool and it's not getting better. I've suggested a move into a new class, and the principal didn't seem to think it was a good idea. So..if i don't move into this new classroom, or if the teacher doesn't give me a break..i may have a cow. I really don't think it's that bad of an idea. But, hence the job searching. A just in case type of thing.
Back to our family, McCord, is such a great dad. I can't believe how cute he is with his little boy. I knew he'd be a good dad, but he's even better than i thought. Watching those two together, it's just so sweet. I hope i'm a good mom. I never know. I put pictures and statuses on FB and usually i just get criticize. It hurts my feelings that people think having a child is an invitation to be criticized all the time. For me, i don't think i'd ever...EVER, criticize, unless the parent was doing something that was dangerous to the child's life. Drives me crazy. I usually delete whatever post that created that little itch in someone else to tell me what i'm doing wrong, but seriously, can't stand it even after it's gone. I totally don't mind advice, when I've asked for it. But, if i post a picture of my baby, and all you can see is what i'm doing wrong, i feel like you're mean. In which case, i'll probably just ignore you.

Enough ranting. let me explain my awesome Christmas!
#1. I feel like, when i was little, my mom would try her damnedest to give us kids the best christmas ever. So, when i was placed in foster care, and foster moms would ship you elsewhere to spend christmas with their family...it was ruined for me. I was actually pretty much a bah humbug until McCord came along. then, it was great again. Now..add Xander into the mix. It was sooo much fun!
Now, Xander will probably not remember this christmas, or the next 2 or 3. BUT!! I want to make them so much fun for our family. I want him to LOVE christmas.
This year, we wanted to spend all of christmas together. Since McCord had to work, I went down with him. Had me some free breakfast, and spent as much of his work shift, with him. Xander was with me, and pretty much kept me company til he was off work. Once he was off, we went down to his mom's house, and we all got ready to go to Levan, which is 45 min southwest of Payson. That's right, even more south than i'm used to. Anyway, we spent a good hour or so there, with his aunt and uncle, and their little girl, and his grandparents, and his mom and sister. Then, after we started to get a little hungry, we took off, to have dinner at his moms. We had a great dinner, and did Christmas with them too! Then, McCord and I took Xander home, and spent the evening chatting, going through presents, and cleaning up. It was perfect. Yes, i love getting presents. I don't care if it's something you hated and passed onto me, the thought is what gets me. You thought of me! I love it. ;) So, McCord, gave me a great Cross with cubic zirconia in the middle, and some earrings to match, and some peace sign earrings, and another heart necklace and the movie Eclipse. Perfect? Yes. I'd agree. And, I got him the shoes of his choice, and some hot chocolate, and some shirts. I let him pick out his own shoes because well, he needed shoes, and he's kinda picky. ;) We gave Xander, tons of clothes, and pretty much spoil him anyway. So, there we go. We even got him this little tux onsie from walmart, and a tux bib to go with, for New years. I"ll post pics of it once he wears it.

I TOTALLY CANNOT Believe how fast time has gone. I am excited for tax season. I love getting taxes. Gets me a little more out of debt each year. This year, we're focusing on a new car, and completely paying off a couple things. Hopefully, with things going good this year, we'll be able to buy a new house by the end of the year. I'm really praying things work out that way. I need a car that will work, and i would love to bring Xander up in a house. Well, enough for now...so, TTYL Diary. (Seriously, i think of this blog as a freaking diary.)