Newest Stuff. I've been pretty depressed lately! I'm just gonna come out and say it. I've got some serious depression. I haven't been on meds for awhile, but now i'm considering getting back on. Some of you know what happened, some didn't. This is just gonna be like my journal. Each day goes by when i think, what would life be like, if I had had a baby? Would i feel this pain? Or would that child, help me to be happy! Sometimes, it's painful to think about. other times, helps me the hell out. Lately, i've been considering, adopting? Kinda wanna see what my options are ya know? And then, sometimes i'm like, you know what, i'm happy the way things are. I can wait a few years. We have 2 bedrooms right now, and one of them, is full of furniture, and baby stuff.

Also, My kitty. Growing as fast as a kitten should be. She's like my baby right now. :))

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McCord and I are totally excited for the fall semester to start. Today, i was actually offered a full time job at the preschool I've substituted at, and i'm thinking i'll turn it down. Then, tomorrow, one more job meeting to finally discuss what the hell i'm gonna be doing. This has been a busy week. I'm so tired all the time.

I've been much more social lately, and there's the few people who are helping and being mom like to me. I really appreciate them so much. 3 in particulaur. Pamela, Beth, and Wendy. It hurts so bad that I don't have a close mom to share this kind of relationship with, and then they help me through the hard times. I really wish i could have both sometimes. Is that selfish? I want a real mom. But i love them also. I'm not sure what to think. I lived with this lady, Janey once. I screwed that up horribly. She was the one foster mom who loved and understood me, and she gave me a consequence and i begged to leave. I really wish that Janey had still been my foster mom til i was 19. Would have done a lot freakin better than Kathie. I was MISERABLE with her! I wish i never asked to leave. I miss Janey so bad and sometimes, i wish i could just hug her. If only she knew, that i loved her. I can't tell her tho. I'm like way too chicken. Well, actually i'm scared of her not caring back you know? Kinda odd to say, you know, i love you like a mom, well, you kinda left me so i don't love you like a daughter. That's the conversation i don't want. Jajaja.

McCord and I are having thoughts about buying a house? Anyone know anything? I'd love to, but don't want to get screwed over.

Well, i think that's enough for tonight!

talk to you soon internet. Jajaja.